Without a doubt, I feel you. At this point, digging into Jake’s Instagram photos from 2017 seems more profitable than a gold mine. You just can’t stop. Not that you want to keep doing it, though. You’ve obviously tried to stop. You don’t want to feel miserable looking at his happy stories. He’s out there enjoying his Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. Nobody would guess you two broke up from his posts. He just doesn’t seem to care, does he? You probably also googled “How to Stop Checking your Ex’s Social Media” and this came up. Sigh no more, this break-up fairy’s got your back!
When I broke up, I was perpetually committed to checking my ex’s last seen, Instagram stories, any new girls he followed… ALL the details. Nothing I didn’t inspect. Ya know what? I spent so much of my precious energy doing that. Each time I dove deep into his online activity, it only made me feel more sad. I knew it wasn’t a nice feeling. But I did not want to let go. I didn’t listen to any advice on How to Stop Checking my Ex’s Social Media
Trust me, sis- being obsessed over his social media and carefully scrutinizing his every move is seriously more damaging than you might think.
On the other hand, these 6 tips could put you light years of the past, so you can move on healthily. Also, You don’t need a temporary guy standing in the way of your permanent future anyway.
How to Stop Checking your Ex’s Social Media
1. You don’t have to fight!! Get off the battlefield!
AKA- Delete those vicious apps!
We’ve all been there. You block him on Monday evening and unblock him a moment later to see if he’s texted. Somehow, you keep going to your phone and looking at him all the time. This struggle finally never ends. Scrapping the applications off your phone, however, cuts out all that drama.
You might say “I just can’t stop. Even if I get off social media, I want to be right back on them because I just can’t not.”
Well, this might be a good time to exercise some self-discipline. Besides, you need to realize how damaging this is for you.
Spend less time on your phone when you’re in a bad mood. Don’t fool yourself into thinking others are living their best life, unlike you. Instead, put your energy into something else.
What activities make you forget to check your phone? Do them more often.
Feeling like you need to talk to somebody about your Breakup? Book a free session with Breakup coach Judith. Click here.What activities make you forget to check your phone? Do them more often. How to Stop Checking your Ex's Social Media Click To Tweet
2. Do everything you can to feel your feelings:
You keep going to your ex’s social media over and over because you have a deep emotional pain that hasn’t been understood. You’re afraid to let go because, who knows if you’ll ever find someone again… right? You just let your guard down, only to see them walk away. Too bad.
If only your ex could understand and acknowledge the harm he’s caused, it would make you feel better. A simple apology would soothe your soul.
But really, is that going to happen?
FAT CHANCE 🙂
A big chunk of the pain a breakup causes is made up of emotions. And sadly, over 90% of us choose to nullify and dull those feelings. It’s not the easiest, I know. Feeling all those deep emotions is scary. But here’s a secret:
When you validate your feelings, they lose their obsessive power.
Darling, feel your feelings. Cry all the tears you want, whenever you want. Write down all your thoughts, deepest fears, unsent letters. Don’t suppress anything you feel.
If you are hurt, you need to heal. You don’t have to pretend to be okay. You don’t have to hurt your ex for revenge, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are hurt. So, validate your hurt and sit with your feelings until they lose their power.
3. Put your energy in the right places:
Hey, answer this question for me-
What is something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t begun because you were in the relationship?
Starting a small creative business? Traveling? Finally getting into the gym scene?
Perfect. This might be a great time to start doing that.
As weird as it sounds, your pain increases the depths of the heart. Consequently, you are growing in empathy and love- which is gold for your next relationship!!!!! So, put all your energy into other things that are rich nourishment for you and ultimately build your life.
and that brings us to tip 4.
4. Build your life.
Has this relationship brought imbalance in your life? Now it’s time to build your life the way you want.
When you’re not spending hours scrolling through his Facebook, You have more time to build your life for the future you dream of.
Do what you want for your career, for instance. Pick up hobbies that bring you joy on a sunny afternoon. Join a group of girlfriends who will help you heal. Actually. allow joy into your life. Start dressing nicely for yourself. Spend more time with your parents and family members.
Especially, celebrate your life.
Your Breakup is not a doomed phase. Alternatively, it’s a period of growth with some intense hours of crying and hurt. Nothing you can’t overcome. Take it from your heartbreak coach.
5. Don’t fall into the puppet show business.
A very common thing I see girls doing after their Breakup- they enter puppet show biz.
What’s the puppet show biz, you ask?
In short, It’s a metaphor. For pretending to be happy and enjoying on social media in a way that your ex can see (and in best case scenarios- be jealous)
You could cry a bucket right after posting your picture with a random guy from the bar last night, but everybody sees how pretty you look. And that’s a win, right? #irony
All things considered, pretending gets you nowhere. If you’re hurt, dare to let go of your reputation. It’s okay if your ex doesn’t hear from you after the break-up. You don’t have to pretend like its cool when you still have feelings and you’re still hurt. Don’t set yourself up for misery, my girl.
6. Develop your glow routine
When you start and end your day right, you feel better. What you do in the day matters and it definitely affects your mood. Filling your day with sustainable routines gives you an upper hand- you no longer have free time for sad scrolling. And you’re actually glowing with every passing day! #winwin
Fill your day with good things. It gives you less free time to drool over spilt milk and gone men. You need to develop an identity that doesn’t revolve around your ex. You need to do things alone, just because you like it. Explore yourself in this season. This is a time you don’t need to please a boyfriend, be desirable and toxically beautiful. This time is for YOU. It is practically GOLD!!!!
Work out. Practice self-care. Start things that you’ve been putting off for a long time. Eat and drink with joy. Invest into yourself because you are precious.
If you don’t feel worthy of this special treatment- there’s a chance you need to work on yourself; on your self-esteem.
We always date at the level of our self-esteem.
So if your history of partners hasn’t been that great, maybe it’s time to rethink the way you see yourself. Don’t let go of courage. This is your time.
Does that feel doable?
Considering how far you’ve already come, I’m sure it is.
Everything boils down to your decision. Your ultimate, conscious choice of moving on. If you believe you deserve more than what your past relationship had to offer, you need to act like that. AKA, realize that your ex doesn’t deserve your energy. And, how hard can it get? You absolutely got this!
What was your favorite tip? Comment below (so you can inspire other girls) and I can say WOW to all your magnificent efforts!
Until next time! xo Breakup Fairy <3
Hi! It’s Judith- your breakup fairy. I help women heal heartbreak wounds so you don’t have to carry the hurt into your next big relationship. Think you’re ready to turn your breakup into a breakthrough? Join me for a FREE session today! Click here for more info.