Sometimes, TRUTHS are like ghosts- invisible. Until you make the effort to ACTUALLY see it. Because the ultimate truth of your break-up is this: If he wanted to be with you, he would’ve been. Simple.
But I feel you.
It’s not that simple.
Your Breakup situation is as messy as a baby eating his first solid meal. It is a serious job to navigate through your varied emotions, all the overthinking, the pain, overpowering feelings pf rejection, abandonment and about a 100 other problems.
Your thoughts can clouds your judgement and it can be hard to think rationally and logically. And trust me when I say that your brain contributes heavily to misjudgment. So, here are some truths you need to hear if you’ve recently broken up. Let it sink in and find hope in your wounded heart.
Truth #1: There is no evidence as to why you will never be loved again
After a break-up, more women are miserable because they think they’ll be single forever than they are about the actual break-up.
Here’s what you need to know:
Most of what your brain tells you in a state of heightened emotions is rubbish. Your brain is only repeating a pattern of your thoughts on autopilot. It’s just recreating your negative patterns and feeding it back into your system.
Logically speaking, the life you live in is very different from what you think and perceive it to be.
So don’t trust your brain when it tells you you’re unlovable or you’ll never find anyone again.
Truth #2: Stubbornly holding on to the past might actually be delaying your future (and causing you more than necessary pain)
This one’s so true.
You can actually get over your ex faster if you stop secretly expecting him to come back and say “I regret leaving you”.
If you two broke up, let it go. Please.
Your break-up doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable, intolerable or bad. It just means that this man was not the one you should be with.
That’s it. That’s the reality
Holding on stubbornly to your past and not choosing to let go will hurt. You’re standing in your own way, sis. You’re practically delaying your own mental well-being, your chances of dating again and even wasting time (weeks & months that turn into precious years of your life wasted)
Trust me. You don’t want to be the cat lady because of an undeserving ex.You can actually get over your ex faster if you stop secretly expecting him to come back and say "I regret leaving you and I wanna get back together" Click To Tweet
Expecting him to come back, text again, call and say sorry is normal, but unhealthy. It will lead you to dejection everyday and block all of the healing that could be done instead.
Truth #3: It’s not easy. Most days will be miserable.
You’re going through a breakup. Which means, you’re going through distress, a big wave of mixed emotions, lots of questions, loneliness, rejection. Your trauma, past hurt and all the ugly stuff is coming up at this point.
And it will be ugly. That’s okay, don’t fight it.
It is okay to feel like smelly socks or bad breath. You’re in a difficult situation- accept it. Stop chasing tranquilizers to numb your pain and “feel good”. Most days will be miserable. That’s okay. Ask for help, lean on your closest friends and be gentle with yourself.
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Truth #4: If it hurts so bad, it means that you are a fierce and loyal person in relationships (which is a good thing)
When my ex said he didn’t want to be with me anymore, I wondered why. It hurt really bad and I didn’t want anything more than to see him and talk with him.
Relatable. I know.
2 years had passed and I was still upset about it. It hurt everyday.
I realize now why my break-up hurt so bad. It’s because I had put my all into that relationship. I was emotionally invested and I had chosen to be loyal, committed and caring. Which is GOLD coins in the relationship world.
If you’re hurting so bad, be happy because that’s the kind of love you give- fiercely loyal and trustworthy. The kind of love you will ALWAYS continue to give. Find satisfaction knowing that your love was true. And it will be in your future relationship too.
Truth #5: You broke up because your relationship was broken (i.e. not functioning as is expected)
I think it is crazy for us women to quickly imagine weird things and come to “a blame conclusion” after a break-up It takes just about one overthinking session to say “he broke up because I’m not good enough”.
I’ve actually heard women say this when I coach them:
“We broke up because I’m not good enough. I was not “social enough” with his friends and family.“
“I was “not as hot as other girls” he knew. Maybe I don’t dress well enough. Do I look like a potato?”
Listen up sis.
You did not Break up because of YOU. You broke up because the relationship you two developed was dysfunctional. It was broken. And that’s why you decided it was pointless staying in a broken relationship.
That’s why you broke up. Not because you’re a potato.
People are supposed to offer love and commitment inside of happy, healthy and functional relationships. That’s what normal humans do. And soon you will too.
Truth #6: If you’ve been putting up with toxic/ abusive behaviour, we most likely have a self-esteem problem
This is a big one. The #1 mistake I see so many women making is choosing to stay in the relationship even while something (and many things) is hurting and pricking on a daily basis. It could be anything- bad communication, disrespect, abuse, gaslighting, etc.
Staying in a toxic or abusive relationship is like a car without gas- it’ll never take you anywhere, but it will waste your time. (and the trauma is real)
Women stay in these unhealthy relationships because they think they’re too far in to get out now. They’re afraid that if they get out, they’ll never find anybody again. They’re afraid that the break-up is going to be way too much pain to bear. They’re afraid of the solitude- the quiet Saturday nights and aunties asking why they’re still single.
There are many issues, some circumstantial too- but we most likely have a self-esteem problem here.
If you are afraid of being alone, you will never know if you’re with someone because you love them or just because you need company.If you are afraid of being alone, you will never know if you're with someone because you love them or just because you need company. Click To Tweet
Being okay on your own comes from a good sense of self. If you’re bearing up with unhealthy patterns in a relationship, you need to ask, “how did I agree to put myself through all of that?
How was I okay with getting treated that way? How did I decide it was okay to be treated that way? When did that happen?
Truth #7: Your emotions won’t take your orders.
After a breakup, your emotions will be like hungry lions left loose in the cold meal section. WILD.
And you can’t give them orders. They won’t take any. They’re not going to listen to you when you want to stop crying or not feel so sad. You will probably feel the ugliest of emotions and it might become uncontrollable.
But hey- your actions are all in your control. So, you can feel like calling your ex, and not actually call your ex.
Yep. It is ACTUALLY POSSIBLE.
It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. But don’t let it take you down a path of further embarrassment and pain. Don’t take actions from your feelings.
Want to stop texting & calling your ex? Read this article
Truth #8: You actually have a lot to be thankful for, if you decided to.
Your breakup is one part of your life. And while your Breakup hurts like hell and affects all other parts of your life, you can occasionally choose to be grateful for all you have.
Take it one day at a time. It’s a bad day, not a bad life.
There are a decent number of people who actually love and care for you. And they’re not going anywhere. You are actually blessed with a ton of beauty, talents, a heart that’s capable of love. There is a lot- IF YOU DECIDED TO be thankful.Take it one day at a time. It's a bad day, not a bad life. Click To Tweet
So be thankful. And let it bring some serotonin in the house.
Truth #9: A break-up is a great time to lay foundations for your dream relationship.
When one person leaves, it’s usually because another person is on his way.When one person leaves, it's usually because another person is on his way Click To Tweet
Do you believe that? I don’t think so.
If you truly believed that, you wouldn’t be here. You’d be off somewhere, building your life once again, getting ready for your dream relationship. You’d be working on your identity, your self-image, your finances and debt, your health, your heart, your relationship with the people around you and with God.
What are you waiting for?
Your Breakup is a golden time for self renovation.
Take out the dirty carpet. Yank out the stained tiles. Get a new shower curtain. Fresh pillow covers. Build a garden outside. This is your time to work on yourself.
If you met the love of your life tomorrow morning, would your life be ready? Would you be ready to start living your dream life with him?If you met the love of your life tomorrow morning, would your life be ready? Would you be ready to start living your dream life with him? Click To Tweet
If your answer is yes, but I just need to take care of a few things first– Now is the best time to do that.
Go work that job. Go to the gym and start feeling great again. Go meet your friends. Go settle your debt. Go. Go. Go.
Your husband is flying at light year’s speed. Are you ready for the showdown, sis? Stop sitting and start doing. Go heal your heart and build your life.