Hello lovely! I’m a relationship and heartbreak coach. I help women get over their ex, move on and be happy again. But, that’s not how it always was. A few years back, I went through a terrible breakup. 3 years later, I’ve finally moved on, happy, confident and glowing. Today, I’m sharing 6 life-changing lessons I learned after my breakup, coupled with a few personal stories <3
Listen up sis.
You’re a queen. You deserve love and kisses and gifts. So, if you’re currently hurting from a breakup, go here and download my eBook “Breakup emergency Kit”. It’s my FREE gift to you.
Just a few years ago, I was a dumb, non-glam high school teen. A girl trying to look skinnier in her school uniform, struggling to feel beautiful. Not to mention- half nerd, half romantic. Yep, that was me back then. I fully believed that if I could get one boy to like me- just one boy, life would be cool.
So, I kept chasing my crush and when he finally came through, it didn’t take more than a couple months for him to walk right out the door. It was crazy. The middle story is messy- I went through a seemingly silly break-up (which hurt really bad). The enneagram 3 inside of me opted for “achievements” as my defense mechanism.
3 Years…
It only took me 3 whole years, lots of ugly crying and tons of sad playlists to finally declare that “no matter what my ex does, I just don’t care anymore.”
Now that it’s a little better over here (lot better actually), I’m reflecting on what I learned from those 3 horrible years… and how my life has changed since.
Here are 6 most important truths I’ve realized:
1. I am stronger than I think I am:
A few years ago, all I saw in myself was a school uniform with black shoes, red ribbons and a couple braids. Nothing more. I never thought I was deserving, let alone capable.
However, I
• Went from being an average student to top 5 valedictorians
• Started thinking about my future and I started dreaming big (like, really big)
• Was valedictorian in senior high (ahhhh, crazy)
• Had the courage to take a gap year before college and travel to the Philippines.
Absolutely killed it.
This would certainly not have happened if I didn’t encounter the pain and hurt. Not if he wouldn’t have broken my heart. So, thank you Mr. ex.
I realized that I have much in me, yet to be discovered.
Catch this:
You have so much inside you. You are strong, capable, deserving and worth it. And if you’ve recently broken up, let that be an excuse for this world to catch a glimpse of who you truly are.
Because when we break up, crack apart and bleed, the light finally comes in. and in time, it leads us to our truest self…
Also read: How to start and maintain no contact after a breakup
2. I need to build my relationship with god first:
Speaking of light, I now live my life everyday basking in God’s love and mercy. It was Jesus who healed my broken heart and restored me. He has loved us all and that experience, sis, is beyond words.
I was Christian from a very young age. So, I knew a lot about Jesus, but I didn’t know Jesus. I had no relationship with him. And I think that’s precisely where the problem began.
When you have a relationship with god, you get your measure of
• Unconditional Love and affection
• Kindness
• A super-natural joy
• Self-esteem (through the roof)
• A Sense of worth
• Confidence
• Fearlessness
• Capability
• Holiness
• Peace of mind
Undoubtedly, we get it all from Him- the god who made and formed you. It’s the perfect equation.
And because I was missing that relationship with Him, I was missing out on all the goodness I was entitled to receive. Somehow, I never tried to tap into it.
With time, I realized that everything in my life was shaky without Jesus. I needed to have a bulletproof relationship with him before building any other relationships with cute/not cute guys.
3. I need to love myself more than I need to love a boy:
Ever feel like a doormat? Yeah? Me too.
Even though I felt like I was loved by my boyfriend, I still carried around my big burden. Self-doubt, poor self-esteem, insecurity, fear, negativity, destructive self-talk for instance. I hardly felt beautiful or special.
To top my own hot mess, I was spending every ounce of myself trying to please my ex. I was preoccupied by him. ISo, I barely spent time with myself. I didn’t care to work on myself. Even if I did, it was only loathing and criticizing.
I thought I was “complete”, but I was losing myself…
Now, get this.
Our God made us- for one thing, in His own image and likeness. He knows we have and are, all we need, to be amazing. Even though we don’t always see it the same way.
But, it’s not very nice when we hate something He loves the most.
Through my breakup, I learned to be patient, loving, kind and gentle with myself after all. Besides, I realized that I didn’t need to spend my youth loving temporary people. Moreover, I saw how much I needed that same love I was giving out to others.
Everything has changed since.
Girl, you deserve to have a life filled with sunshine, charm and beauty. So, start giving yourself love. Do what you need the most- do it like a girl.
Also read:4 things that stop you from moving on after your breakup
Girl, you deserve to have a life filled with sunshine, charm and beauty. So, start giving yourself love. Do what you need the most- do it like a girl. Click To Tweet4. I deserve more:
What my ex did to me wasn’t the worst, but it was still not acceptable.
As I grew into my faith and my personal development journey, I realized how much I was actually bringing to the table in any relationship. I saw how much of a ‘giver’ I was. Obviously, I deserved more.
I deserve somebody who could reciprocate the love and affection I was expressing.
Someone who is willing to put effort into our relationship.
I want a man who would have the same goals as I did.
We all deserve a man who knows how to pursue, love and respect me as God’s daughter.
And, looking at who my ex was, I clearly needed to raise my standards.
My breakup helped me realize what I truly deserved. I was asking for too little.
5. Love is not like the movies:
Like most of us, I had a nicely woven fantasy about my love story and my dream man…
Mr. Darcy?
Jack from Titanic?
Ross Geller? Something like that…
So, keeping Bollywood and Hollywood standards in mind, I was supposed to meet a guy, instantly fall in love, somehow stick together till we marry, blah, blah. Things turned out quite the opposite actually. The person I thought I would marry (how naive of me) just opted to walk out, without even putting any effort.
To summarize, love is often, not like the movies. It won’t always be so simple. There will be bumps, heartbreaks, crying, and misunderstandings. That’s okay. Don’t expect it to be so smooth. And trust me, smooth is boring.
Don’t expect any relationship to be so smooth. Trust me, smooth is boring. Click To Tweet6. Singleness is beautiful:
Me at least thrice a day: “I want a boyfriend!!”
The time I took to recover from my breakup was bumpy at the start. I felt restless and bored. But as I eased into my journey, I couldn’t unsee how beautiful it was to be in a season of singleness.
I perceive that my life is God’s, as much as it is mine. And maybe someday, it might be a prized possession to my husband. I want my life to be a gift to God, my creator. It should be a delight to my own heart and a delight to the vocation I am called to, in the future.
What would my husband feel if I had used up all my love on temporary boyfriends and had nothing to offer to him?
I choose to be single because dating is for marriage. And if I am not actively seeking to be married, then dating would be a game I would play. That’s not something I want to do.
Spill the tea, Mulan.
Here’s what a TIME article says:
“Believe it or not, relationships are ‘mentally’ expensive,” says relationship expert and bestselling author, Susan Winter. “Intimacy and partnership takes up a lot of space in our heads. Even though much of this is happening unconsciously, there’s simply a lesser capacity for individually focused thought.”
Conversely, “being single is an act of purging the clutter and making room for new thoughts (and dreams) to breathe and grow,”
via 9 Ways Being Single Can Improve Your Life
Read the full article 9 Ways Being Single Can Improve Your Life
All in all, The story you tell yourself will be the one that comes true. Whether you can heal or not, is up to you to decide. You make the choices.
And if you ask me, today looks like a great day to get over your ex…
Want to get 1:1 coaching and FINALLY move on?
Check out my coaching program Alpas & The Ex Factor
I am the LORD, who heals you.
Exodus 15:26
