Breakup,  Psychology

5 Truths you need to know about your ‘feelings’

Is this another one of those articles on the internet where people tell you to “think positively” No. Will this article finally get you to quit the ice cream bucket in bed and tears for 12 days scene? Most likely (if you want it to) Read on to find out 5 major truths (everything) you need to know about those feelings after your break-up.


Answer this question for me: Who are you without your feelings?

Probably a bag of bones. Your feelings are so beautiful a gift. They help you feel everything deeply, like the sunshine that warms you up on a cold morning and brings joy, or the intense satisfaction you feel when you walk out of that gym all sweaty.

But hey, our feelings can sometimes completely overpower us, make us do the craziest of things, and fool us into believing something that is absolutely untrue.

via GIPHY

After a breakup, your emotions are all wishy-washy. It engulfs you completely and you feel like you’re drowning. It’s so pointless convincing your “heart” what your mind already knows. You can’t stop feeling something when you decide you want to.

What do you do in a time like this?

Keep reading to discover 5 truths about your feelings and how you can apply them to approach your breakup with compassion and truthfulness.

5 Truths you need to know about your 'feelings'

Truth #1: Feelings are not bad.

First off,, if you’re hating on yourself for feeling all these things: girl- nuh uh.

Sister, you are a godly woman passionate about godly pursuits. His spirit dwells in you- of course you’re going to be sensitive, unlike not a stone hearted person. Now part of your ability to feel things deeper than most people may also come from your temperament. But God has made you beautifully and fearfully- he knew what he was doing the whole time.

Besides, we all need women who wear their heart on their (1940’s puffed) sleeves.

Don’t be ashamed if you feel everything deeply. Or even if you don’t. God sees you. And what you feel is real and valid. Validating and accepting that your feelings in fact, do exist, is an important starting point of your healing process.

Speaking of validation, are you using these 3 unhealthy coping mechanisms to subconsciously feel better? Read this article to find out.

#2- Your thoughts give rise to your feelings.

Your feelings are a result of the thoughts you think.

When it rains, some people feel happy because they’re umbrella sellers and think, “I’m going to make good sales this month” Other people frown and get upset because they think, “it’s raining. Great! Now I’ll have to cancel my picnic and stay home and do nothing.”

See how different thoughts cause different feelings?

Not all your thoughts are true.

via GIPHY

You might think you don’t have a choice on what enters you head. To an extent, you’re right. What you do have a choice about, is the way you choose to entertain and approve of your thoughts.

Choose wisely.

#3- Feelings WILL come and go. Let them.

Now obviously, all our thoughts can’t be streamlined, perfected and tidied up. They’re going to be messy, flawed, biased. So you will feel all sorts of feelings after your breakup.

So let your feelings come and go.

That is their very nature- they are temporary. They slide on water like oil for a while and then gradually pass away. No pressure to take it all that seriously. All you have to do is patiently watch them come around, play, create minimal chaos, laugh and play and frolic around, then weary off and leave. Keyword: Watch them- patiently.

#4- Your feelings don’t define you.

Let me give you a magic sentence, mmkay?

I’m angry vs. I feel angry, for an example.

“I’m angry” makes YOU an angry person, allowing and almost encouraging you to behave an angry persons behavior.

“I feel angry” separates YOU, as a person from the feeling you’re feeling. You’re allowed to be yourself (without being so whelmed with emotion), think rationally and let it pass by when it does.

5 Truths you need to know about your 'feelings'
Photo by Content Pixie on Unsplash
  • You’re not sad. You’re feeling sad.
  • You’re not jealous. You’re feeling jealous
  • You’re not ugly. You just feel ugly (and one of these days, the feeling is going to pass away and you’re going to feel better)
  • You’re not hopeless. You’re feeling hopeless

You are not what you feel. There’s a difference. Know it, and exercise it.

#5- Feelings don’t have to control your behavior (do it unmotivated)

You know very well, after your breakup, that some things are, and should be kept off limits. Look at the list below, for example:

  • texting your ex a big needy paragraph
  • Dating someone else immediately knowing you’re doing it just to distract yourself
  • Sleeping around to feel loved
  • Resorting to self-harm

But you’ll notice, surprisingly, that most of the “feelings” you feel after your breakup… lead you to do these exact things. Yes, the exact things that might not be so healing for you.

Also read: Worried about your future? Read this.

So what do we do?

Two options.

One, Listen to your emotions and do the action it leads you to (even after knowing it’s bad and will give you 5 days’ worth of shame and probably a migraine)

Two, Do the right thing unmotivated. Feel pathetic and still exercise, eat healthy, continue to work on yourself in the way you want to.

Your feelings don’t have to dictate terms to you. You are not obliged to act in accordance with your feelings all the time. You’re allowed to feel something and do the exact opposite of that feeling. Be a good steward of your emotions, and don’t let them decide everything for you. You are not called to be a slave.

Delight your soul and comfort your heart, and remove sorrow far from you, for sorrow has destroyed many and there is no profit in it. Jealousy and anger shorten life, and anxiety brings on old age too soon.

Sirach 30: 23-24

Hey girl, have you taken my FREE Break-up Bible Study quiz yet?

Answer a few questions and get a Bible study passage sure to give you just what you need in your season! (comes with a FREE printable Bible Study guide)

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