Of all the luxuries a teenage girl can ask for, wanting to have a boyfriend is a huge one. Whether or not you ask for it, the urge to be some cute guy’s girlfriend comes naturally. And, it can get distracting especially when we’re in the middle of, say a science experiment. So, what do we do? If you’ve been thinking about stuff like dating, cute guys and a whole lot of romantic feelings, then maybe we should talk about it.
When I was 15, school was a crazy time. All the boys in class were suddenly taller, my friends were talking about romance novels and I couldn’t see why I was feeling so much like a woman who’s ready to walk down the aisle. But, that’s just the way it is. Taking efforts to look cute in school, delighting over the thought that some guy keeps staring at you, wanting to always talk and spend lunch break with one specific guy. It’s all something we keep doing because of this natural instinct God put inside all of us.
All this seemed like a fairy tale to me at the time. I was naïve and my peers spared no effort in convincing me that this was, hands down, the best phase of my life. The feeling of being loved, of being cared for, of being pampered all the time – I mean, who wouldn’t love that? My friends all seemed to be in a fantasy about all these things. And I too, hopped onto the bandwagon in a way.
Now, you know you’re in danger, when the ‘boy’ you snapped at and teased all kindergarten, is suddenly the ‘guy’ you have a crush on. But, no one chooses that. And when it doesn’t go our way, life is miserable (at least it seems so).
Oh, and by the way, I have a story about that. I went through it all. I have been through how it feels when you receive texts all day long with heart emojis and long paragraphs, late night phone calls, etc. Got ghosted, cried my eyes out, got ignored, fell apart. I thought I’d never come out of it and that I’d never get good at my grades like before. But, that didn’t happen. I grew as a person and it redefined who I was. I realized I don’t need ‘some guy’ to love me. And there are so many beautiful things in life other than a guy with a rose.
But the thing is, you don’t need to have a guy break your heart to redefine who you are, and grow, and become stronger. It’s really not as worth as it seems.
So I’d like to share 10 of my reasons not to have a boyfriend at a very early stage in life, and help you girls have the right perspective about this. But it’s on you, totally. I’m not your mom!
1. You don’t want your happiness to depend entirely on somebody else.
When you feel on top of the world with those texts and the flowers, we’re changing the source of our happiness from within to something outside. Something we can’t control. And I’m telling you: If those texts don’t ring one month from now, you’ll be a mess. Everyone says they love you when you’re a hot chick. But honestly, who’s willing to take out the hair in the bathroom after you take a shower? Right? So, don’t let your happiness lean on something so temporary and frail. It isn’t true love even if he says he loves you a hundred times. Time will tell what is meant to stay and what isn’t. Until then, you don’t want to get all clingy and be happy only because he’s here. That way, you will shine. With or without him.
2. It is simply not the right time.
Sixteen (also seventeen, or even fifteen) means you’re getting better at being a woman. We’re learning how to not yell at strangers when you’re on your periods. You still have to learn so much in life. I think it’s sensible to wait on choosing a partner until you get a little more sensible. Because right now, you’re not mature enough to take perfect decisions.
C’mon, you’re still a silly kid pouting and doing the peace sign in your pictures. And a high school girl can’t decide who her 25 year old self will want to marry. And if you’re going about this only for fun, you are playing with your own heart and it will cost you. You’ll see.
3. We grow differently with time and want different things.
Sometimes, you and your boyfriend are so obsessed with the idea of living together (even in a barn), having babies and working hard every day and staying content with little. “Because after all, we have love, right?” But, let’s say you’re 20 and you realize that this you don’t wish to spend your life in a barn anymore. That this isn’t as easy as it seemed in school. Now, you have new goals, new habits and new lifestyles. Would you be able to choose between that high-school partner and some fresh new goals for yourself?
What I’m saying here is- we grow in different directions as we study, go to college, get a job, explore different areas, strengths, and passions that lie inside of us. If you have a partner that doesn’t correspond to those interests, you will only feel trapped and limited. It will lead to frustration, compromise and disappointment in life. You will feel regretful and unaccomplished. All because of a stupid teenage crush. That’s not very likeable, is it?
4. You don’t need to invest in this. It’s not worth.
When you have a boyfriend, there’s need of attention, texts, phone calls, birthday gifts, splitting the bill at that pizza place down the street. You need money and time and energy to put inside a relationship. But you don’t earn any money. You use pocket money. You’re supposed to study for a test. But, you’ve that hot boyfriend you can’t resist. Well, gradually you see your grades reducing, no sleep, more hangout and party time. It’s part of sustaining the relationship.
Now, would you like and love somebody who is a hindrance in the process of you getting good grades, getting a good job, of following your dreams, of buying your favorite dress, of becoming a high achiever and a better person?
5. God has it all planned out already.
If you believe in God, you know he has the guy who he knows is the best person you possibly could find on earth. He’s kept it reserved just for you. That guy has everything you need, everything you’ve always dreamed of, everything you think you didn’t deserve. He will be the ultimate guy you find and you’ll marry him.
Now, the funny thing about this is that you don’t need to search him on Tinder, stalk his Instagram, or wear make-up everywhere you go because you never know when you’d meet him. What you need to do is build yourself, your faith, your career and your life. He will arrive at the right time and who you made yourself will be the perfect gift you could give him!
And, if you’re feeling the need to be loved so much, you need to turn to Jesus. Girl, pray hard.
6. You don’t deserve all that hurt.
Boyfriends, sometimes can be annoying, hurting and abusive. You cannot see through them at the start. But eventually how they treat you can affect your entire life. Abusive language, disrespect, asking for nudes, etc., may seem normal. But that’s not how we do it in a Christian setting. And moreover, that’s not how you should be treated, girl! You deserve so much better.
Don’t settle for that psycho failure just because you need a boyfriend. Please have the courage to leave if this happens. I’m not creating a negative image here. But if that happens, I don’t want you to think it is something you have to bear with. You learn your worth as you move ahead and discover how amazing you are. You don’t stay with a dumb guy because you’re needy and afraid to be alone.
7. You have better things to do than have a boyfriend.
When there’s no boyfriend at an early stage in your life, all your focus is on building. Building your faith and trust in God, building better relationships with friends and family. Building a kick-ass career, building your self-esteem and confidence, building your identity. There are no time wasters like boyfriends or meaningless relationships on the way because you chose not to have them. At the end of the day, you attract the boss guys because you’re a boss babe. And then you’ll build up a boss family. And then Jesus will be glorified. How beautiful! Makes sense?You attract the boss guys only when you're a boss babe. Click To Tweet
8. You need to work on yourself to love others.
I don’t think anyone can love somebody in a true manner, unless he/she first learns to love him/herself. So, before you start loving another, learn to love you. Learn to love your body, your looks, your face, your weaknesses and strengths too. Only then can you know what love is. Love is to love and care for someone even when you don’t feel like it anymore. Even when your partner does not act like you think or want. We all make mistakes. Love is a conscious choice, not a butterfly feeling.
9. You want to preserve it all for marriage.
Early relationships affect the beautiful marriage which you don’t know, lies further ahead in your life. When you have numerous relationships one after another, you give away pieces of yourself to them and when you walk past the aisle, you’re just a pile of used pieces. You got no more love to offer to that man. But, if you stay holy and wait for the groom to arrive, whilst making yourself the best version of you, it would be such a great thing.
You will walk down the aisle like freshly baked bread instead of stale bread. You will see blessings in your married life. Everyone will be jealous of the intimate relationship you share with your husband. It will be the best thing ever. But it has a price. A price to pay every time your friends go out with their boyfriends and you’re left alone. Every time you’re asked out and you choose not to go. All the times someone asks you to be his girlfriend and you say no. Every time you choose not to fall for somebody just because they’re the cutest thing you ever saw. Trust me- ‘cutest’ is yet to come and it’s nothing like you imagined. It’s a 100 times better.
10. The one boyfriend you’ll ever need is with you.Until I'm done building my own empire – No Boyfriend, No Problem! Click To Tweet
Without a boyfriend, it’s difficult on Valentine’s Day, Prom night, college fest and late nights and 3 a.m. I totally get that. But as far as I know, there’s a handsome man dressed in a White robe, and he’s staring at you like crazy every time you’re crying inside. Every time you’re sitting alone on a park bench. Every time you’re listening to romantic country music and wondering if you’ll ever have a boyfriend.
That’s Jesus. He loves you. He watches you day and night. He’s written poetries for you (in the Bible). He died for you. He’s there. He will always be there. Even if you don’t text or call or show up. He will always love you unconditionally…